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Sunday, December 20, 2009

Shaking Off a Guilt Feeling

Sometimes, I also wonder if people would care to read my blog posts here if they do not know either me or my dad. Besides, these experiences do not concern anyone except perhaps our family. However, I think I am not alone with this experience. Losing a very loving father by renal failure and not being right there on his death bed when he has expired when all his life he has been there for me without any reservation. It is indescribably painful. I do not know what he has said before he has died if he has said anything at all. I am wondering if he has mentioned my name or something and I will be wondering all my life.

Perhaps, someone out there has a similar experience and may find consolation in knowing that something like this really happens to people, he is not alone. There is a certain guilt feeling that is not so easy to shake off especially if the death is totally unexpected and sudden.

We need to move on but it does not mean forgetting or ignoring the memories but overcoming the pain of losing a loved one. There are things that happen beyond our control and approval and we cannot undo those things by blaming ourselves. Our departed loved ones would not want us to do that to ourselves.

I know Dad loves me so much, I love him very much too and not even death can change that.

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